I know it isn't easy for most people but I usually stay up for two days at a time. I can't sleep. I dont' know if it's that or the fact that i've been in front of my computer alot these past three weeks, but my right eye is giving me problems. It keeps twitching. it's really weird. I may have to go see a doctor. I am finally coming out of this depression thing i've had for the past few weeks. maybe that's it. i need to relax. things have been so crazy lately. i feel like its a crazy dream that i keep going th ru, like the movie groundhog day. I'm tired and sleepy, but i can't sleep.

I wish i was away. i wish i was on the road. i've been sending text messages to my ex from a year ago. I still have a thing for her. It's weird. I can't do anything right. there's no reason why i should be talking to her, but i make up my own reasons. i really do still have a thing for her. i just need some kind of unimportant drama to take my mind away from the real stuff. I am jack's self-depreciating thought process. she is good to talk to. or even to text to. to think this is the same girl that i started planning my life with only three months to go on. technically only four days we spent together before she left back home. love suck. it's something that needs a cure or atleast a preventative warning. i wish i was like some guys that just fucks and don't think about it at all. but i'm not. i get attached. but it's not the sex it self. it's something else. the intimacy i guess. but only with certain people. my last ex i didn't even have sex with and we were together three months. i think that's weird. i need to grow up. i wonder where am i going to be in ten years? Am i going to be working at a fast food place somewhere telling old stories about my younger days as a comedian? It scares me. i just want the simple things in life.

I want a girlfriend that holds my hand for no particular reason. some kids running around. a dog that comes in the house whenever it wants. a big ass pond in the backyard to hold my koi's. it's really wierd when i see couples that are together and they take it for granted. they cheat on each other, they lie. they don't raise their kids. anyone can have kids. anyone can be a parents. but to raise them right and be a mom or dad, that's different. not that it's hard. it's just not as easy as being your kid's friend. It doesn't matter if i never “make it”. in my eyes, I already have. it's like coming back home. i see people that i haven't seen in years and they always say the same thing, “What happend? I thought you moved away.” Well i did. I had been gone and now i'm back. Then they say something like, “So what? You couldn't make it?” Oh, I made it. I made it there and back. When are you getting out of here? I'm glad i wrote. I always feel better when i do. my eye stopped twitching. now i can sleep. good night.

People don't know this, but the pope has been dead for a couple of years now. They just prop his body up during tv appearances. It's like “Weekend at Bernie's”. The way the catholic church see's it is people donate more money to the church when they think the pope is near death. Catholicism is a business. Even Jerry Falwell is using this as a plea to gain more profits for his church. I say God Bless them.

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