Well since I’m new to this place I thought I should introduce myself. And what better way than just letting you peek into my life’s journal. I’m 24 yrs. old and my story starts a long time ago. The best way to learn about me is to go to my website and read my biography. It’s pretty lengthy… So I’m warning you now. Please sign my guestbook and let me know what you thought about it. I’m working on a link page on my site, so make sure you leave your website address. Well let me start this voyueristic journey then….

Too make a long story shorter, I left home in November of 2001. Home was El Paso, Texas. I came to New York City with $300 and two bag of clothes… On a Grayhound bus. I had no friends or family to stay with so I lived in the streets for the first two weeks. I finally got into a homeless shelter in the Bedford-Stuyvesant area of Brooklyn,(NYC’s version of Compton) It was more like a prison. Shortly before Christmas I got into a better one, in Harlem. Got a job the following week. This is not the first entry, but the first in a while.

This week has been rough. My mom called the other day and asked if I could send her $200. I said no. I don’t mean to be mean, but that’s the whole reason why I’m here. I always help other people and never get to do anything for myself. I said I would try to wire her some money, but not much. I didn’t have to work yeterday so I I had been out all day long window shopping, walking around, and just enjoying my day off. I got a late night pass at the shelter, that let’s me be out all night without losing my bed. At night I went out to some underground party with some friends. I had fun. I had a few drinks and alot of cigarettes. We stopped at Mc Donald’s to eat afterwards, this was at 7 am. We ate, laughed, and talked about party. Brian realized he had lost his bookbag there at the restraunt. He checked at the register, nothing. He asked a cashier if anyone had seen it. Nothing. He asked the manager and the manager gave him attitude. “No. You shouldn’t have left it there.” Brian got upset and told him, “Well, I guess since your not gonna help me, I’ll take this tray as compensation.” He picks up one of the food trays by the trash can, the manager tried to snatch it from his hand. Brian pretended like he was going to give it to him, then when the manager reached for it, he pulled it away. The manager grabbed him by the shirt, swung him around and threw Brian on the floor. Brian called the Police and we waited for about twenty minutes for them. When they finally got there, we told them what happened, the bag, the assault. They said, “We can write a report for your bag, but he didn’t assault you. He has the right to use force if you were stealing something.” A tray. A fuckin tray. I stood back and kept my mouth shut.

We got back to the shelter and one of the staff members said; “Hey MORENO! You smell like something…You under the influence?” I said “No, I had a few drinks, but that was over 8 hrs ago.” Which is the truth. He told me I couldn’t enter the facility under the influence and I would have to leave the facility until Monday, when I speak to my case worker. I tried to explain that I wasn’t under the influence of anything, I wasn’t. But he told me to leave. I had to be at work 5 hrs later, but I couldn’t get my clothes from my room. I walked down the street and by the time I got to the corner I was crying. I called my mom and told her I wasn’t going to be able to send her the money. I was feeling stressed out, I didn’t know what to do.

I could’ve gone to my primary shelter, which is in Bedford-Stuyvesant, in Brookyn. That’s a real shit hole though. It’s like a jail in there, Over 400 people, about 20 in each room. You entering the facility you have to put your bags through an x-ray machine, get patted down and searched just to get into the building. The staff yells at everyone, the food is microwaved prewrapped tv dinners. And almost all of the guys there have just gotten out of prison, or addicts, gang members, or just plain assholes. I stayed there for a month when I first got New York, I didn’t want to go back, it’s hell. They wake you up at 6am every morning and your locked out of the room until 6pm. Then the wake up call..Damn. The sound of a fire alarm sounds at 6 am every morning, then the guards…Yeah, their actually Dept. of Homeless Services Police, or DHS police for short. The “gaurds” come in to the room and bang there flash lights on the sides of the beds and lockers to wake you up. The loud speakers blare through out the entire buiding, “Attention 2nd floor, 3rd floor, and 4th floor. All dorms must be vacated immediatly. All dorms must be vacated immediately. Take what you need with you for the rest of the day. Take what you need with you for the rest of the day…” This is said over the loud speakers at 6:01am, 6:10, and finally at 6:15. It drives you mad to be woken up like that everyday. I almost could’ve killed some of the people when I was there.

My other option was to rent a hotel room until Monday. I didn’t want to spend any money, but that’s what I did. I called work and told them I wasn’t going to be able to make it in today. I hadn’t slept, I was tired, and I didn’t feel like being around people. I got to the hotel and watched tv and fell asleep for about an hour. I got up and went to eat nearby. That’s when my uncle called, he asked if I was helping out my mom. I told him I couldn’t do that right now. I have too much I need to do for myself first. From there I went downtown and saw the lights they put at Ground Zero. I called my mom and talked to her for a while. I’m not mad at her. Just frustrated. I work today. I’m looking forward to it, I think I need something else, my head is racing. I spoke to a good friend of mine just now. I had left her a message about what had happend at the shelter. She made me laugh, I feel alot better now. I guess I should go back to the hotel and rest.